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Being sad to keep her happy

A letter writer’s girlfriend won’t stop texting her ex, and he feels like a doormat.

Share your truth, says our elder – and listen to hers.

 

Dear EWC

I’m a very caring and loyal person but I can’t live with the fact that my girlfriend texts and calls with her ex. I tried to talk about it she always would get mad at me that I couldn’t accept me. I hate sleeping first because I’m scared of what she’s gonna do when I’m sleeping. There were multiple times I argued about the boy thing and she never gave me the attention I deserved, she always responded dry in 30 minutes to an hour. i just wanted the same energy back but she gets upset that I always keep her down and call her dry – it feels just like why do I have to give so much love I don’t get what I deserve. I let her go to the parties, everything she wants  – I only asked her one thing in my life: hey I’m a broken boy can you please watch out with the ‘boy’subject. She never did, she always went full on mad.

Three months ago my grandpa passed away and I checked her Snap sometimes two to three times a day because I knew and saw she was online. I was 980km away from her that week. I asked her hey can I message you more or call you to feel better – it’s a hard week for me. She always accepted – at the end of the week she was mad because I checked her Snap and ‘talked’ too much while she said yes to it. I just don’t understand the idea in her head. I wanna be happy. If I wanna see her happy I have to be sad to keep her happy. She uses me sort of like a doormat.

 

Ruby-Mary replies

Thank you for reaching out to EWC. I’m sorry you’re having problems in your relationship with your girlfriend. Hopefully I will give you some positive thoughts to consider as you try to resolve these problems.

If I am understanding your concerns, it seems you feel your gf takes advantage of you and talks too much to her ex. It seems you feel she is not sensitive to your needs and doesn’t show you enough love.Your gf frequently gets upset with you because she says you “always keep her down and call her dry.” You say you don’t understand why she feels this way because you “let her go to parties” and everything she wants. The only thing you ask is that she “watch out” with the boy!

I think it’s very important for you and your girl to have an open and honest discussion about her feelings and why she feels you always “keep her down” and call her “dry”. Is it possible that she feels you are trying to control her? Does she feel you are trying to tell her what she can or cannot do? Is this why she seems to get so angry all the time? When you have this open and honest discussion with your gf, it’s important that you also talk about how you feel she doesn’t give you the love and attention you deserve. Let her know that you feel you give so much love to her and you don’t get love in return from her. You need and deserve answers regarding how she feels about you and how she feels about her ex. You need to know if she still wants to be in a relationship with you. If you think you no longer trust her, perhaps this is a good time to express your feelings about that. It seems trust is a problem in your relationship.

I’m convinced that communication is the key to a happy, loving, and trusting relationship. It’s important that you and your gf have a serious, open and honest discussion about your feelings for each other. Perhaps you’ve heard the expression “The truth will set you free”. You need and deserve to know her truth! She needs and deserves to know your truth! She needs to know that you feel you must be sad to keep her happy! She needs to know you feel she uses you like a doormat! Not cool, right? You need to know and understand why it’s important to her to continue calling and texting her ex.

Please be prepared for whatever this open and honest discussion reveals. You may or may not be happy with the truth you hear from your gf. She may or may not be pleased with the truth she hears from you. Remember, however, that the truth will set you free no matter what the truth happens to be! So once both of you know the truth, you will also know whether or not you should move forward and experience the happy, loving and peaceful relationship you both deserve.

Thank you again for reaching out to EWC. We’re here to help. Please feel free to write again if you have further questions, concerns or want to send an update. I would love to hear an update from you. I would also appreciate it if you let me know if my advice was helpful. I’m rooting for you to get your answers. My positive thoughts are with you. Take care.

Article #: 470218

Category: Dating/Relationship

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