When my grandfather died, I realized my relationship with my best friend needs to change.
Don’t make any big decisions while you are grieving, says our elder.
Dear EWC
The relationship with my best friend has changed. I realized that a month ago when I lost my grandfather (he was one of the most important people in my life) when I told her she said, “I’m sorry for your loss,” and two days after that she started texting about childish and stupid thinks. I don’t care if she started talking about her ‘problems’. She is really emotional and, in my opinion, too dramatic. I am always trying to not offend her because she gets offended so easily. But I got angry constantly worrying only about her so I decided to start saying the truth and when she talks about her (which is all the time) I stopped looking interested in it because I’m not. She got so angry. After a fight we had I was angry and I needed time so I didn’t text her for almost a week (I felt good) and one day she called. She started saying that this week she has been depressed because of me and started saying that I am insulting her. I told her she is insulting me too. But she said,”You know I am more emotional and I take it more deeply than you. You are gonna be able to forget and forgive but I won’t.” After that I was just heartbroken. I have done so many things because of her. I am tired. I feel like I am gonna cry but I can’t. I know it’s better to break this relationship but I can’t. I don’t know what I am gonna do without her. Please, I need some advice. What should I do? And if I should break the relationship, how to do it?
Mrs.G replies
I’m very sorry you lost your grandfather. You are going through a truly painful time right now so I don’t think you should make any big decisions.
Many people do not know what to say when someone dies and this could be true of your girlfriend. I give her credit for saying that she was sorry for your loss but it seems like that is all she knew to say. When she texted you two days later with silly stuff, she possibly could have been trying to cheer you up. I admit she was being a bit selfish talking about herself and her problems, but, here again, I think that is all she knew to do. She simply cannot understand the sadness you are feeling.
She sounds like a somewhat difficult friend to have, but you are gaining something from this relationship so I wouldn’t end it. You could perhaps just move slowly now with her. Maybe you could go another week without texting her for example. You could use the excuse you are just too sad to talk right now which probably is true. And you could tell her you are too tired to listen to her problems right now. But try not to argue or fight.
If she calls you all angry and upset again, just tell her you can’t talk right now. If you start to say how you feel, when she’s in that kind of mood, you are just feeding the argument and making things worse. It would be best to just end the conversation.
I think in time, you’ll have a clearer idea whether or not you want to end this relationship, but you don’t need to do it now. Instead, keep a bit of distance from her and try to spend time with your other friends. Maybe she’ll calm down and not be so hurtful or maybe not. Give this a couple of months to figure out and if the time comes when you do want to break up, you could just tell her you want to be with other people now as you feel the two of you are not a good combination. Say that you are just tired of arguing.
Once again, I’m sorry about your grandfather. I’m sure he meant a lot to you so your days will be difficult right now. It’s OK to cry about him if you want. It could help you. But, you don’t need to cry about your girlfriend. Try to not let her hurt your feelings. You need to take care of yourself now and not worry about her. Maybe just spending time with your family will help you. I sure hope so and wish you brighter days.
Article #: 479149
Category: Friendship