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Can’t get over a breakup

I can’t see a future without my ex but he doesn’t see me that way anymore.

You can’t make someone love you, says our elder. Make new friends, accept all invitations and get him out of your head.

 

Dear EWC

Me and my ex-boyfriend broke up around six months ago. We barely talked until recently. I had really strong feelings for him and it was really hard after the break up but I thought I moved on. However, I moved to his school because it’s my local public school and it made me realize how much I really love him. So, I spent more time with him. The other day I decided to explain my feelings and ask if he would be interested in getting back together. He said that he doesn’t see me in that way anymore and that he doesn’t think we have a connection. I respect his opinion but it’s been so hard because I just don’t see a future without him and I can’t imagine loving anyone other than him. I was also really confused because he was cuddling with me like a few days before and that didn’t seem like something people who are just friends would do. I wouldn’t be that worried except for the fact it’s been so long since we broke up and I still have these feelings even though we barely talked. I just don’t know what to do about the situation. I don’t even feel like myself anymore and I have this really bad headache thinking about this because I just don’t know. My friends won’t listen to me anymore because they say I’m talking about him too much and it’s annoying them.

 

Catherine replies

I am very sorry for the pain you are experiencing. Few things in life are more heartbreaking than the loss of love. However, if there’s one thing I’ve learned in life it’s this: we cannot make someone love us. From what you’ve told me, your former boyfriend has decided that he doesn’t love you despite your history together. I understand that this is very difficult to accept, but until you do accept it, you are stuck. You cannot go forward to a better place. I wish your friends had not said that you were “annoying” when you talked to them about your ex-boyfriend, but I suspect the reason that they said this is because they care about you. I suspect that they can see that after six months, your boyfriend has moved on, but you haven’t, and they’re worried about you. 

Here is my advice:

  1. Avoid all possible contact with your ex-boyfriend. You say that you thought you’d moved on, but moving to “his” school, seeing him, talking to him, and “cuddling with him” has put you back at the beginning of the break-up in terms of your emotions. Remove pictures of him. Block him on social media. In other words, create an ex-boyfriend free zone as much as you possibly can. You want him out of your space, out of your heart, and out of your head. 
  2. Branch out. You are at a new school, so try to make some new friends. Take on some new activities. You may not enjoy yourself at first because you will probably be thinking about your ex-boyfriend, but force yourself! Try to stay busy. Sitting around and moping is the worst thing you can do. Making new friends and learning something new is the best way to get out of your head! Eventually, you will start having fun. Also, I know that you say that “you can’t imagine loving anyone but him,” but do you really want to be alone forever? You may not be ready to date now, but meeting new people is a good idea for the future when you might feel like trying again.
  3. Accept every social invitation except those where your ex-boyfriend might be present. I know you’re feeling very sad. When we’re sad, we want to curl up in our beds and sleep, or sit in front of the TV. I want you to force yourself to get together with your friends. If they have parties, go to their parties. Don’t allow yourself to spend the entire time talking about your ex-boyfriend. 
  4. Get adequate sleep, eat well, and exercise daily. The latter is particularly important. If you’re feeling sad, go for a run or a walk. Maybe you like to bike or do yoga. Exercise can get those endorphins in gear! 

I hope my advice proves helpful. Please feel free to write again to let me know how things work out. I care. 

Article #: 478507

Category: Dating/Relationship

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