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Did he cheat? Well, nearly…

My boyfriend was tempted to kiss another girl and he’s only just told me about it.

It’s great that he can be honest with you, says our elder. But do tell him how you feel.

 

Dear EWC

Hello! I recently asked my boyfriend if he has ever cheated on me with a girl that tried to break up our relationship earlier this year. He said that he has not done anything, but he nearly kissed her. A backstory before I tell you about what happened. At the time we were fighting because he stopped showing me love. He put all his attention on her. He was treating me second to a girl he had known for a month. She liked him, and was trying to break up our relationship, but he never tried to stop her. He had asked her for the company because he was feeling upset about us. He did not have anyone else to ask because he had just moved to a new school, and she was his only friend at the time. He said feeling vulnerable, so he was about to kiss her, but then he backed away, and said to her that he couldn’t. I feel stupid for feeling upset because nothing happened. I am just upset because I would never get close to cheating even if I was feeling upset, and even though he had no one else to ask for company, he asked the girl that was giving us problems to comfort him. I also feel upset because this happened in February and he is only telling me now in September.

 

Here4U replies

I can understand why you would be upset about this.

I also think that you may be looking at this wrong and there is another way that you could be looking at it. Your boyfriend was in a situation that was very tempting and for a second, he was going to kiss this other girl, however he caught himself and did not, all because of you. He realized in that moment that he did not want to kiss someone else.

I think that he deserves for you to be proud of him for the way that he handled the situation. I also believe that it should show you how much he cares about you. I believe that your boyfriend showed a lot of restraint and self-control and I think those are admirable qualities that you should respect in him. I believe that it also shows you that you are always on his mind. There are certainly boys who would not have reacted as he did in this type of a situation and I think you should feel good that you are with one who reacted as he should.

I also believe that you should also be pleased that he was forthcoming and honest with you about this. Maybe it took him a few months to tell you, yet the point is he was truthful with you. He could have avoided your question or he could have just answered no as he technically did not cheat on you, but instead he was truthful. I am sure that he was aware that his answer, although honest, was going to make you unhappy with him. 

I think that sometimes guys can be a little oblivious to what a girl’s true motives are behind her behavior. It seems to me that they sometimes lack the insight that we girls have into knowing what a girl’s real intentions are. Although it is obvious that this girl likes him and is trying to break up his relationship with you so that she can be with him, somehow, he is not seeing that.

I do not believe that this girl is someone that he should be around. It is clear what her intentions are towards your boyfriend. Even though he did resist her I think that had the kiss happened she would have been a very willing participant. It is not healthy for your relationship for him to be around her. I believe that you can trust him, but you cannot trust her.

I would suggest that you discuss this with him. I believe that you need to explain to him exactly what you believe her real intentions are. You also need to let him know how his being around her makes you feel. I believe that without becoming upset or being accusatory, you should ask him to stop seeing her as she is not good for your relationship. Let him know that she is not the type of person he should turn to if he needs comforting. It may be innocent on his part, but it is not on hers. Ask him if the tables were turned, would he want you to be around a boy who behaved the way she does towards you. 

I realize that he is new to the area or the school you attend, however this happened back in February so he has had all of this time to meet people and to form friendships. Hopefully, these new friendships are mostly with other guys who he can turn to if he has problems.

I do not believe a boyfriend should ever make his girlfriend feel as if she is in second place to another girl. You should always be made to feel that you come first or otherwise why are you two together? I also believe that it is just asking for trouble for a boy to turn to another girl because he is in need of comforting, especially when that girl likes him.

I hope that this has been helpful to you. If in the future you would like advice, please feel free to write again. 

I wish you a relationship of trust and honesty and where you are always made to feel first.

Article #: 479712

Category: Dating/Relationship

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