I see myself as a joke

This letter writer is suffering from low self-esteem. 

Can our elder put them on the path to self-acceptance?


Dear EWC

I’m sorry this is stupid but my friend said I should try this website. I have been upset for a while. Like a few years. I’m just sick of being a joke and sick of not being worthy of my family’s pride or love and with my friends. I don’t like messaging people on the internet because it makes me uncomfortable and the last thing I want is pity but I don’t know what to do with myself anymore. I see myself as nothing more than a joke to those around me. I know this is stupid and I have no right to feel this way but I just don’t know what to do with myself anymore. If you have any advice or something it would be much appreciated


Grandpa-Matt replies

I’m not a therapist, but I have some idea about what you are experiencing.

We could line up 1,000 people who would declare that you are a valuable, worthy and lovable human being, and it would make absolutely no difference if you believed that you are worthless. A zero would go next to your name, because you have the only vote about you. As ruler in your universe, your word is law!

Conversely, if you thought that you were OK, 1,000 folks could say that you were a worthless piece of junk in the universe, you would still be OK. Again, you have the only vote about you. Of course, you can choose to give that vote away to another.

What has happened to you that you ended up with your negative beliefs about yourself? My guess is that at some point in your life, you bought the idea that you were somehow not enough, not valuable enough, not good enough, not smart enough, loveable enough, attractive enough, etc. to satisfy those who influenced you when you were growing up. 

It really doesn’t matter where you got that idea, from parents, teachers, friends or wherever. What matters is that you adopted that strong belief and have carried it forward to this day. Most likely. following that decision, you began to see evidence out in the world that would tend to prove you right about that choice or decision. For example, when my dad said that I was not as smart as my sister and I’m stupid, that is what I believed. But it was only his opinion. It wasn’t true.

The problem is that I think you bought the negative ideas about yourself from other people’s opinions of you. Whatever they said or acted toward you was based on their ideas about you. They had no real evidence. It is just what they made up. What you have done can be called self-rejection. We all have this little judge inside our head which blames, condemns, and invalidates us for not living up to those opinions about us that others made up. Opinions are not real evidence. Most likely it was their attempt to control and manipulate you. At that time, you had no way to battle or confront their abuse. You no longer have to buy what they are selling.

Back then, the decision of worthlessness arose without evidence. Now, you have the ability to decide the opposite, that you are worthwhile. You don’t need evidence for that either. However, there is evidence! When you were born, you came onto this planet with certain gifts, developing them as you grew. You were precious, lovable, vulnerable, creative, loving, curious, adventuresome, trusting, etc. No matter what has happened to you over the years, you still have those gifts within you. I feel what you are experiencing is a struggle between your heart and your mind. Your heart wants respect, loving and being appreciated, making new friends and accepting yourself and others.

Your mind is clinging onto all the negative messages about you that you took on. Perhaps your mind has the fear that you are worthless and have no value. What is real? In his book  Dancing Wu Li Masters, the author Gary Zukav spoke about reality:

Reality is what we take to be true.

What we take to be true is what we believe.

What we believe is based upon our perceptions.

What we perceive depends upon what we look for.

What we look for depends upon what we think.

What we think depends upon what we perceive.

What we perceive determines what we believe.

What we believe determines what we take to be true.

What we take to be true is our reality.” 

Reality is whatever you think it is. The moment that you declare, I’m OK, then you are OK. The miracle is, that as soon as you buy into this, evidence will start to show up to prove you are right. Guaranteed. This is because we love to be right.

Raising your self-esteem is your first order of business. You are 100 percent responsible for how and what you think about yourself. You have the ability to build your self- esteem. You don’t need anybody to agree or vote about your worthiness. There is a website that can assist you to build your self-esteem.

Experiences of negativity aimed toward us in the past can be used as either road-blocks or stepping stones. Again, the choice is yours, alone. Other people’s opinions were just that. If they were writing for a newspaper, their stuff would be on the Opinion page, and not on the front-page News section.

My advice is to take nothing personally. Just like in a movie theater many different films are projected on the screen. Sometimes it is a love story, or a war story, or a comedy, etc. The screen doesn’t care what is projected on it. In effect, each of us is a screen for other people to project their stuff upon us. It is really not about you! When folks project their thoughts, feelings and conclusions about you, there is no reason for you to still carry the abusive messages around any longer. 

It is also important to set personal boundaries for yourself. There are many articles on the subject to read. One valuable article if found, by seeing:

More good news. When people feel good about themselves, they act like a magnet attracting other people. This is because folks like to hang around people who don’t waste time criticizing or picking on others. Joy, laughter, loving life and compassion often flows from those who accept and love themselves. It feels good to be around that type of energy.

I hope this assists you to release the struggle and find the path to self-acceptance. White back and let us know how you are doing.

Article #: 452609

Category: Other

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