Can our elder persuade this letter writer that she deserves so much more than a boyfriend who doesn’t love her back?

 

Dear EWC

So, I have loved a boy for over three years now. We have been on and off for these three years, but he treats me like absolute garbage. I still love him though, even though he doesn’t love me. I want to be with him so bad and there is still a part of me that thinks we will end up together. He’s been my best friend for three years and when we are actually together, he treats me well. He just is very mean to me when we aren’t together and talks to like 400 girls and hurts me all the time. He has definitely broken my heart more than once but I still love him so much and want to be with him. Please help. What should I do?

 

Here4U replies

Love should not hurt and you seem to be in a lot of pain and misery. Don’t you believe that you are better than “absolute garbage”? No one has the right to treat you as if you were nothing more than a piece of trash.

For whatever reasons, this boy does not want to be with you at this time. Do you really want to be with someone who does not want to be with you? Do you want to love someone who will not love you back?

I believe that you deserve so much more from a boy than this. There are so many other boys out there who are looking to be in a relationship. However as long as you continue in this one-sided relationship you will not have the opportunity to meet them and experience true love, where the love is reciprocated.

You sound like you are a glutton for punishment. This boy has hurt you so many times, yet you continue to love him, although you know that he doesn’t love you back. He is mean to you, he does not treat you with respect and he flirts with other girls. I have to wonder, what is so loveable about him?

Possibly during these last few years, he has not wanted to be involved in an exclusive relationship with anyone. He is young and single and he is enjoying that freedom. If the day comes when he wants to settle down with one girl, then you can try to establish a relationship with him, however it is clear that at this time he does not want to be tied down to only one girl.

You have also said that he treats you well when you two are actually together. I didn’t really understand what you mean by that. However, don’t you want to be with someone who always treats you well?

I would suggest that you move on. In my opinion, this is not a positive or healthy relationship. For that matter, it is not really even a relationship as a relationship is made up of two people who both share the same feelings for each other.               

You have also said that he talks with many other girls and that is also hurtful to you. I would suggest that you make an attempt to talk with a few other boys so that he will get a taste of his own medicine. This would not be to make him jealous, but so that he can learn how it makes you feel. Hopefully in the process you will meet another boy who will treat you as you deserve to be treated and you will learn that this boy is not good for you.

I do understand how you feel as many years ago I was in love with a boy who did not love me back. He would purposely break up with me just so that he could be with other girls. He would also flirt with other girls right in front of me. However, I always came back to him as he was my first real love and I believed that I would never love another boy as much as I loved him. However, when I finally gained the courage to move on I met a boy who not only treated me wonderfully, but also showed his love for me. As it turned out, I ended up loving him more than I did the first boy. 

You have already given this boy three years of your life and he walks all over you. Do you want to waste one more year or, for that matter, one more day on this relationship with him as it currently is? It does not sound as if you are getting what you want from it.

I would suggest that you have a long and honest talk with him. It seems that you two may not be on the same page. You both may want different things at this time in your lives, yet neither of you has been very clear about that with the other. I believe that you two need to discuss the nature of your relationship, what you each want from it, and where you both see the relationship going. I would suggest that you ask him to tell you exactly how he feels about you. Do not settle for less than clear cut answers from him. 

Possibly, you believe that he is going to change, however I highly doubt that he will. People rarely change in life unless they are highly motivated to. He sounds as though he is only motivated to hurt you. He also sounds immature. There is the possibility that one day he will mature and if you are still interested in him that is when you may want to pursue a relationship with him, but not as he is now.

If you continue to love him with the way that he currently treats you, you will only have your heart broken again and again. No one is worth that..

Article #: 408818

Category: Dating/Relationship