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My football crush 

He’s two years older than me. Should I try to talk to him anyway? 

Our elder has some reassuring advice for a letter writer navigating a high school crush.

 

Dear EWC

Hi, I’m 15 years old. I just finished up my ninth-grade school year and I’m currently on summer vacation. Even though I’ve been out of school for weeks now, I can’t get this one particular person out of my head. He’s two years older than me and I’m pretty sure he doesn’t know I exist. I was sitting on the bus one day looking out the window when I saw him walk to his car. Instantly I fell for him. I didn’t know who or what he was for the longest time, I just knew there was something about him that I loved. One day he had a football jersey for our school on and pretty soon I was going to every football game held on a Saturday night in our field. And when football was over, I made sure to pass him in the halls. I’m sorry if I’m starting to sound like a stalker but I was just… infatuated? I don’t know. I don’t know what to do at all. I get so sick when I think about it. I thought about going up to talk to him but every time I was going to I talked myself down. I’m too fat for him, I’m too ugly, I’m too much of this, not enough of that. I’m not good enough for him. But if I don’t think I could ever make it with him then why am I constantly thinking about him? I’m afraid of rejection and totally embarrassing myself- I don’t deal with either of those well at all. I’m constantly beating myself up. I’m just so tired of feeling this way too… Should I just let it go and ignore my feelings for him or risk lowering my self-confidence even more? I hope I did a good enough job explaining this, I’m sorry if I didn’t. I’m just so mixed up and confused, help me! Thank you!

 

Sense replies

I remember having similar feelings about guys when I was your age. Having a crush on someone from a distance and being unsure of how to approach them or what to say to them can be frustrating. It sounds as if you are doubting yourself more and more the longer the uncertainty continues. So, I suggest you either find a way to talk to him and get to know him or else keep your eyes out for someone else, preferably someone you feel comfortable talking to.

Attraction is a powerful thing. I remember being tongue tied when I was strongly attracted to a guy I really didn’t know. One time I tried to talk to him and my voice shook and I felt I made a fool of myself!

Because this boy is two years older and a football player, he may have his own social group. So, it might be harder to get to know him than it would someone in your own class. You don’t mention him being with other people though, so if he is mostly alone when you see him, he might welcome getting to know you. Maybe just say “Hi” when you pass him in the hallway at first, and see how he responds. If he is friendly, then try to say a little more next time you see him. You could ask him about football perhaps and mention that you have gone to all the games.

Your feelings are very normal, it seems to me. Sometimes attractions work out and sometimes they don’t. Don’t be too hard on yourself for having self-doubts. We all have those. But as you gain more experience in relationships, you will likely be able to express yourself better and feel more confidence.

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