Selfish, insecure… How can I get over my self-hatred?
It’s great that you’re paying attention to your feelings, says our elder. Consider therapy, help others, and find someone to talk to.
Dear EWC
Well, I think I may have a superiority complex, and I’m very insecure about myself, which includes my looks, my body, my skills and my academic ability to perform in school. I’m never happy for others, I think I’m very selfish and I may be very insensitive as well. I don’t know why I keep crying randomly. I’m never interested in school too, because I’ve failed to achieve my goals and I feel like a disappointment for my single mother, yeah that’s right she’s an amazing single mom but I feel like I’m disappointing her. She hopes and expects a lot from me which isn’t a problem. I am also never really interested in a few things that I used to love doing. I always wanna be better than others and perfect and when I fail to do so I become frustrated. I feel like my life has no goals because I’m not good at anything and when I try, I fail. I don’t know, maybe I should try harder. Nothing makes me that sad unless it affects me directly. I feel like I’m not good enough and the reason I don’t wanna do things is that why should I do something and try succeeding when thousands of people are better at it and I’m not needed like why should I waste my time when people only care about the best-skilled ones. This probably made no sense, but I mean I’m messed up and I have too much hatred inside me like this dark side and I don’t know what to do about it. Is this something that needs attention or am I just worrying for nothing?
Loving-Grandmother replies
Hi there and thank you so much for taking the time to write about your issues. I commend you for recognizing that you are not happy and need to take action to improve your mindset when you talk about your state of mind and your lack of interest and the random crying… it is terrific that you recognize your feelings and wish to give this your attention.
I’m so happy to read that you and your mom are close and you feel she is an “amazing single mom.” How fortunate that you have this rock-solid base of love and support. I believe all good parents want happiness for their children and I’m certain that is your mother’s concern and intent as well. Make her a partner in this search for self-improvement. Get her help in gaining a perspective as she knows you better than anyone else.
You write so critically of yourself. This makes me believe you hold yourself up to impossible standards. You say you are selfish, insecure, insensitive, frustrated, and resistant to trying anything for fear of failing. You even speak about a dark side and feelings of hatred. Okay, good starting point, right? You are obviously very self-aware (and self-critical). Keep the self-aware part and let’s work on that self-criticism. When you think so poorly of yourself you tend to self-sabotage. By not even trying to get out of your negative space, you simply condemn yourself to continue doing the same things that are making you unhappy. I’d like to suggest therapy for you but realize that may not be possible. Please consider this therapy option, if it is a possibility for you to access a therapist. The work will go much faster if you have professional guidance. However, there are lots of things you can do to improve your situation via self-analysis. Here’s a link to a very useful page that talks directly about the issues you raised in your letter.
https://www.mindbodygreen.com/0-24601/11-signs-that-insecurity-is-ruining-your-life-how-to-change-the-pattern.html
Another wisdom I’ve learned over time is that helping others is the very essence of feeling happy. By giving to others; of your time, your skills, your love, you will feel better and gain strength and learn to appreciate yourself. No one cares if you are the Best In The World at something. Just be the best person you can be. Help others. Whether it be children, elders, anyone in your town or village or city that needs help. There are many, many organizations that you could volunteer to contribute time to. I believe this is the fastest and best way to get out of your own way and start to improve.
And find someone; either your mother, a good friend, a therapist or a relative, that you can talk to. Don’t hold all these negative feelings inside. Let them out, speak your truth, share your feelings, keep a journal. You are better than you think you are. Focus on the positive things in your life and learn to feel gratitude. I count ten things every day I’m grateful for. This is an amazing exercise and every day that I do it, I feel better about myself and my situation. I hope it works for you. You have much to offer the world. I’m sure of it.
Article #: 458876
Category: Self-Improvement