My dad’s a deadbeat

My family and financial problems are draining my energy. 

Seek professional help, says our elder, and reframe the narrative. It’s time to show yourself some love.


Dear EWC

Hi. It’s been a while since I last asked for help. Well, I guess things just stay the way they are for a long time. Unfortunately, I think it’s getting worse. I am troubled by almost everything that’s happening. I hate that my dad just doesn’t try to find a job yet gets a lot of girls pregnant. I’m going to college soon but I guess I wouldn’t be able to study in a school that I want to. I don’t know what kind of career I want to do. I’m losing focus on my studies too. I’m suffering because of the financial problems that only me seems to be affected by. I think this family’s isolating me. I don’t have the energy to do anything because it isn’t what I want to do and I feel like they wouldn’t even help me do it. I feel so average that I don’t have any specialization. I’m too plain. I feel like everybody’s not taking me seriously and I’m slowly getting tired of it.


ConstanceF replies

It sounds like you may have some level of depression going on. My advice is to seek professional help. You are young and this is something that can be more serious than our group is designed for. Also, something that is not to be taken lightly. While your family issues may be bad, your reaction to them is your responsibility. If you can’t get professional help, try to change the narrative you tell yourself.

To a large extent, we attract what we believe. If you believe that you are successful, chances are very good that you will be. Your energy is being sapped by allowing yourself to be sucked into limiting beliefs and a failure to unleash past hurts and events. Everyone does this from time to time; the secret is in letting go. Stuff that other people do or don’t do is just stuff. Your dad’s a deadbeat? Vow that you will be an excellent provider and cherish your wife. Think you can’t go to the school of your dreams? Reframe that into a daily affirmation: “I am attending the school of my dreams”. I’m sure you get the idea.

In the meantime, show yourself some love. Make a plan to get into the school you want. Once there, make a plan to excel in your classes. Make new friends. Visit your family only to the extent that they bring you joy. At some points in my life, I only see my family once or twice a year. Just because you were born to them doesn’t mean you have to be friends with them. In fact, many people completely “divorce” their parents if their toxicity is sufficiently bad. I’m not recommending you do that, but do what’s right for you. In the event you need it, you can always write to us again. Best wishes.

Article #: 434788

Category: Self-Improvement

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