Can our long distance relationship still work? 

Our elder shares his tips on how to have a successful relationship even when you’re far apart.

 

Dear EWC

Hello grandma/grandpa! I am from the Philippines. I hope you are doing fine and I also hope that you can give me advice on this problem of mine. I have been in a long distance relationship with my Colombian boyfriend for six months now. And we talk on Facebook Messenger every day. Even if there’s nothing to talk about, we still try to have a conversation. So as months go by, I got used to that messaging style of ours which is to talk every day. But lately, I found ourselves not talking as much as usual. He takes hours to reply or sometimes he doesn’t talk to me at all. So, I confronted him about that. And he said that our relationship is just fine. He still loves me so much. He’s just been so busy. And he wants me to trust him, but he knows that I trust him so much. And now my question is, is there a red flag in our relationship? Is it necessary/not necessary to talk every day when you are in a long distance relationship? Please give some advice about it. I look forward to it soon.

 

Sage replies

Long distance relationships (LDRs) are not easy, but they can be made to work. I have personally experienced the trials of three LDRs and made them work. I believe that with the right commitment and communication you can make your LDR work.

I will answer your question about talking every day in your LDR. There are no set rules about how often you have to talk or communicate. How often you talk will be determined by what each of you need to make the LDR satisfy the individual communication requirements. It is obvious that there is going to have to be compromises here (see items 1 and 2 below).

Here are some tips and strategies that I used to make my LDRs work:

1. Set some ground rules to manage expectations. Both of you need to be clear about what you expect from each other during this long-distance relationship.

Make a long-distance relationship plan. Determine what you want to accomplish in your relationship. Have goals and a period for when you want to be together. It is critical for the success of the relationship that both of you have something to hope for. http://www.jbdcounseling.com/Rules-of-the-Road–The-Long-Distance-Relationship-Survival-Guide.html

2. Create a communication schedule that satisfies the needs of each of you. It is important to establish and maintain an emotional connection as often as you can. These do not always have to be long, in-depth conversations. I believe that frequent communication, no matter how minor, will show that you care enough to put in the time and effort into the relationship.
3. Work to confront and resolve trust issues as they arise. I understand that absence can create serious feelings of insecurity and paranoia, so it is imperative that each of you maintain a level head during periods where you are not in contact. You must maintain trust through immediate, honest, and direct communication with each other.
4. Talk about your feelings of fear, insecurity, jealousy, or apathy. If you try to hide anything from the other, I assure you that secret will eventually swallow you up from inside out. Do not try to deal with things all by yourself. Be open and honest with the other.
5. Always remember why you formed this relationship with each other. By remembering each other’s unique qualities and the feelings of love that are the foundation of your relationship, you can quickly put your mind at ease and negate any doubt that may exist in your mind. Remember, distance does not automatically alter feelings or an individual’s personal characteristics.
6. Visit as often as possible or as often as your budget allows. You need to see each other at every opportunity. Make a regular visiting schedule or at least make plans for the next visit as soon as each one ends.
7. Make the most of the time that you spend together. I think that since you will not see each other often, you must optimize the time spent together. Therefore, I recommend that you strive to plan activities in advance and ensure that you make the most of every single moment together. These special moments can serve as a physical reminder of the nature of your love and the true depths of your feelings.

Be committed to each other. Be open and honest by volunteering confidential information. I believe that you both should be morally committed to each other, continuing the relationship because of personal values, not because of social pressures.

8. A lack of time spent together can cause genuine feelings of sadness and depression, which in turn can cause you to neglect your personal appearance and develop a negative approach to life. It is imperative that you remain motivated and energized for the good of the relationship and ensure that the sparks of physical and romantic attraction remain present always.
9. Each of you must. thoroughly understand your romantic and professional goals. My wife and I learned that making a LDR successful requires a keen sense of assurance and security, or otherwise you will constantly question the union and the long-term intentions of each other.

Therefore, each of you must have a clear understanding of your romantic and professional goals, while also taking the time to understand those of your partner. We learned that this gave our relationship the best possible chance of survival, while also confirming that we shared similar goals in life and in love.

10. While routine and scheduled visits are crucial to the longevity of your LDR, strive to make room for spontaneity and adventure in your union. This can help to keep your relationship fresh and exciting, while it also shows motivation not to take each other for granted.
11. Create trust. Trust in a relationship is vital, regardless of distance. You both must try your best to be faithful and avoid temptation.
12. Maintain an active social life. While each of you might have been the center of the other’s social lives, it is important that neither of you become a recluse waiting by the telephone. It is important to remain active and commit to enjoying a rich and busy social life even after the parting. This will help each of you maintain perspective and positivity about your situation.

As I stated previously, LDRs are not easy. Can they work? Yes, they can, with a lot of arduous work, trust, and faith. My best wishes for your success.

Here is a resource for you: https://www.wikihow.com/Make-a-Long-Distance-Relationship-Work

Article #: 488227

Category: Dating/Relationship