After a failed relationship, this letter writer has met a nice guy but is scared of making a move.

Don’t be put off by your last experience, says our elder. Ask him out and see how it goes.

 

Dear EWC

So, it’s been six months since my last dating/relationship. We didn’t work out because I felt that he was fake and was using me. Later I realized he was and he is a relationship hopper. After our breakup he had two other relationships in six months. I don’t know if it’s common or normal. But anyway, I still feel used and I don’t talk to him now. But now I have a crush on a guy. We met twice as friends. And we text. It’s not every day. I rushed into the last one so I am scared of doing the same. I want to get to know him better but I feel insecure when I see other couples. So, I don’t know, should I ask him out or wait?

 

Danray replies

I’m glad to hear that you met a nice guy and you’re thinking about asking him out. Most of us can relate to being in a relationship that ended for one reason or another and the pain/sorrow that sometimes occurs. I understand why you may feel a little insecure and why you’re asking your question… so, what do you do?

As I mentioned above, many relationships don’t work out for one reason or another. As we get to know someone better it’s only natural to better understand their priorities, values, how mature they are, how they treat a romantic relationship, etc. As you’ve already seen, people treat relationships differently and it’s important to put things in perspective. When a relationship ends for whatever reason, we shouldn’t let that define us and/or how we feel about ourselves. I know this may be easier said than done but to some extent we have no choice. For example, I met a nice woman at a social event and eventually asked her out. We dated for several months and at first everything was going great. However, I started to notice that she was showing less interest in going out and spending more time with her friends. I finally asked her if anything was wrong and she admitted that she wasn’t ready for a steady relationship. I asked her if I did or said anything wrong and she assured me that I didn’t. I was disappointed, somewhat hurt but had to realize that this was more about her than about me. I would say the same to you about your past relationship. The relationship ended because your boyfriend wasn’t ready or willing to support a positive/healthy relationship. I understand why you would be hurt but it’s more about him than about you…

Therefore, to answer your question, if you’re attracted to this guy and he’s shown some willingness to connect, I would ask him out. I would hope he would say yes but if he doesn’t, that’s okay. If you do date, take the time to get to know one another and see how the relationship develops. The key is not to have any relationship define you and/or your happiness. A relationship should be part of a well-balanced life that includes; school and/or work, family and friends, exercise and physical activity, hobbies, volunteering, faith or spiritual development, learning something new each day, etc. I’m sure you’re a nice person that has a lot of positives in your life. I know that we all feel a little insecure at times but don’t let that keep you from taking chances. It’s time to move on and ask this guy out and see where it goes 🙂

Hope this helps and I wish you the best going forward. 

Article #: 492773

Category: Dating/Relationship