He said he liked me, but now his “girlfriend” is coming to visit. Should I confront him? 

You deserve better, says our elder. Make it clear that the time for games is over.

 

Dear EWC

I have this guy friend who I really like and who has admitted to liking me as more than a friend. At the time, we played it cool. He said he will propose to me one day, formally asking me to be his girlfriend. And it’s been months since. Recently he has been telling me that he’s been talking to my other friend (let’s call her A) and that she knows who he likes. Which I find bizarre considering he’s only known her for like two months. He told me teasingly that someone is interested in him and is coming to visit our uni. I thought it was a joke because he teases me often to test me. But today I found out from the same friend A that his girlfriend is coming over. I said I didn’t know she was coming. And she was shocked I didn’t know. I honestly am confused and hurt by this. I’m really shy and introverted and I need to confront him immediately. Because I feel like I’m being played with here. And I don’t deserve this kind of treatment or behavior. But idk how because idk what is happening exactly and what this whole game is.

 

AuntAJ replies

It sounds like this young man is not ready to settle for one relationship. And you’re right, you deserve better. He might be a great guy but if he’s into playing games, that won’t work for too many people. 

I appreciate that you are shy but this is a good opportunity to assert yourself and learn to speak up for yourself. I would sit down and talk with him. I would caution you on one thing. Make sure the information you received from A is correct before you address your guy. In the event that she is incorrect, it would be embarrassing to ask him about this girl if it’s not even true.

Maybe you could start with telling him that you heard a friend was coming to visit him and wondered if it’s true, and ask if he sees this person as a potential girlfriend or just a friend. The conversation can start from there. When you need to have a big conversation with someone like this, there’s nothing wrong with thinking ahead of time of what kinds of things you want to say (and sort of practice it in your mind) and then in that way, you can edit your own thoughts so that you don’t say something you regret later. I would tell him that you are not into any kind of games and, therefore, want to understand what kind of relationship he wants with you. If he is indeed interested in you as a girlfriend, he needs to make a move in that direction and stop with the “testing” of you.  

There is a way to get your point across and still be nice about it and not show too much jealousy. Focus the conversation more on the fact that you think respect for each other is the start of any good relationship. 

Best of luck to you, and feel free to let us know how it’s going or to ask us for more advice. I hope you can find your voice because it will serve you well in all future relationships to be able to deal with this kind of situation. I hope this works out well for you. 

Article #: 496492
Category: Dating/Relationship