Will work get in the way?

He’s starting work; I’m still at school. Do we still have a chance, asks a letter writer.

Embrace change, says our elder, and make the most of the time you do spend together.

Dear EWC

Hello, I’m still in high school but my boyfriend who is just a little bit older is graduating and going to start working right as he gets out of high school. He is going to work in construction with his uncle and I’m very happy and proud he is going to be working. Fortunately he will be working pretty much all day, which is very good because he will be making the money he wants but on the down ide we won’t see each other as much and I’m worried that might get in between us. I’m worried maybe things won’t work out. We have been together for quite a while and we always manage to make everything work but this has me thinking.

I’m so happy with my boyfriend but I don’t want to break up because he will be out working and I’ll be in school. I’m not sure how to talk about this with my friends at school because they can’t relate to me. I understand there will be times were we won’t be able to communicate as much or even see each other but I don’t want that to stop us from being with each other because me and my boyfriend talk about the future and we most definitely want to be in each other’s and we are also very close. So my question is how can we still manage to make things work? I’m in need of advice, good or bad I’m willing to listen and consider. Thank you!

Linda replies

Nothing in life can remain exactly the same. Change is an inevitable part of our evolutionary process here on earth. Part of embracing change is learning to adapt to it. Your boyfriend is a bit older than you and so he’s leaving high school first and becoming part of the workforce. That is a normal part of life.

High school is our transition period between childhood and becoming an adult. We can feel quite insulated inside this very structured environment. As a result, the thought of leaving those all-too-familiar halls can feel a bit daunting. Because you’re so close to your boyfriend even the changes he is now facing have a direct impact on you.

Feelings for someone should not be based on how much time we spend with them, but rather on how that person makes us feel when we are together. When feelings are genuine they can’t be compromised simply because we no longer see as much of that person. The important thing is to make the most of the time you do spend together. Nothing has changed except he will be working instead of going to school.

This time of your life can be an emotional roller coaster.  The teen years are filled with hormonal changes, which can frequently make you feel insecure or unsure of yourself. It is part of the normal process of our bodies adapting to its own changes.

If you truly want your relationship with this boy to continue then you must support him in whatever he decides to do. When you spend your time looking back over your shoulder yearning for a past that is no longer available to you, then you can’t be fully present in the here and now. Since this very moment is all we’re guaranteed, making the most of it is what we must strive for.

I will leave you with this. You will only be in high school just one time in your life. It will never come around again. Besides having a boyfriend you also have friends and activities and your family. Make the very most of all these things. Sometimes when we experience very young love we can make the mistake of putting everything and everyone else on a back burner. I realize just how deep young love and emotions can run. However, when you put all of your eggs into just that one basket you can miss out on other wonderful and fulfilling opportunities in your life. Now is the time for you to concentrate on your own bright future. Every single young woman should aspire to reach her highest potential with the long-term goal of becoming a strong, independent woman. Take some time to figure out what you want for yourself going forward. Don’t lose sight of your own goals along the way.

You can still manage to make things work with your boyfriend despite this change in your routine. Each of you needs to spread your own wings in whatever direction feels best for your future. His working should not alter how you feel about one another. You are still the same two people you’ve always been.

Letter #: 418185
Category: Dating/Relationship

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