My boyfriend and I would make great parents, says a letter writer.
Steady on, counsels our elder. Be careful what you wish for…
Dear EWC
I just turned 17. I’ve been with my boyfriend for a little over a year. We have been intimate. And a lot of people I know are pregnant and having babies. And I know I’m still young but I can’t help but want to start a family with him. I really love him and I think we would make great parents. I really want to get pregnant but I don’t know how he feels or if he has even thought about it!!!
PicklesMarie replies
You’re 17 years old and longing to start a family. Longing to start a family… and take on responsibility 24/7 for an infant, then toddler, then child.
Be careful what you wish for! If this wish comes true the rest of your life may be changed. You may be come ‘barefoot and pregnant’ with no money for shoes or anything else and with the high responsibility for a child. Is this what you really want until you’re about 30?
Peers are getting pregnant and having babies. Observe. Pregnancy can be a healthy state, but it costs for doctor’s supervision. Raising an infant can be relatively easy because they don’t crawl or walk. However, about eight or nine months after that baby is born it starts to become mobile… and a mother’s real work begins. Often, in my experience, about this time helpful relatives drop back; they are not as willing to help with a troublesome crawler/toddler. You can’t be on your phone much because these little movers don’t know about dangers and require constant supervision. As a bonus, as babies get older they sleep less.
As you observe, see what happens with these peers. Do they disappear out of your friend groups as baby becomes more difficult to handle? Do they drop out of school? Do they start living in poverty? It is not fair to expect that your parents will take care for your child. Being a grandparent can be fun; being a nearly full time caregiver is no fun… it can be sacrifice and work. Your parents may be ready to be done with sacrifice and work.
You may have the love, willingness to sacrifice friends and adventures, and extreme patience it takes to mother, but do you two have the money? A baby is expensive. No kidding! One expert estimated a baby costs about $16,000 a year and you (or you two) will be responsible for nearly 18 years.
You may love the guy, but he doesn’t even know you want a baby! He may blame you if you should become pregnant on purpose. It is called entrapment.
Most 17-year-old guys have a lot more to do before they are ready to support a family and father. Most 17-year-old girls have a lot to do, too, before they are ready to raise a child. You two aren’t mature. Your brain is one of the last parts to mature. Your brain will become capable of making rational decisions, seeing consequences, reading others expressions accurately, and so forth when you are about 25 years old. (This is no typo; check it out.)
Having a baby on a whim now would impact your life… for life. I believe it would be a mistake… a huge one. Reconsider.
Having a baby would impact the child’s life. He/she would have a parent who might not be equipped to parent. This could cheat your child of the guidance and help they need to make it successfully through life. This could mean your child becomes a bane upon society instead of a boon. I, myself, have observed many youngsters who caused pain to those around them… because they were poorly raised by their parents. Parenting is a huge responsibility!
So think ahead… about 15 years ahead. Do you really want a child you are responsible for raising into a viable adult? People will criticize you if your parenting is poor. If I were you, I’d wait. I’d do what you need to do at this juncture. Finish high school and get your diploma. Get training for an adult job. Get that adult job. Save some money. Then consider marrying and having a child.
I hope my ideas help. Please consider them. You have to make your own decision. You will be responsible for this decision. And since you’re the mother you will be more responsible than the father for raising the child. He may shirk his fatherly duties after a time… leaving you to be a single parent.
Letter #: 431515
Category: Dating/Relationship