My best friend and I were once in a relationship, but now she’s moved on to someone else. Should I tell her that it’s breaking my heart?

It’s hard, says our elder, but it might be time for you to move on and make new friends.

Dear EWC

So I’m a 15-year-old girl and I’m bi. My best friend and I used to have a relationship. More than friendship. We use to be girlfriends but it was kind of an open relationship, although I didn’t want it to be. One day she decides that she likes another girl. She’s sweet, pretty and charming and I totally understand why my friend likes her. But now she is acting like our relationship never existed, and that we’ve always only been friends. I’m still very much in love with her. And she, at one point, was in love with me. I don’t know what to do. I want her to be happy, even if that means being with this other girl. But it breaks my heart. I can’t sleep, or function. And the worse part is she talks to me about how things are going with her. I want to tell her how I feel but if I do, chances are we won’t be even best friends anymore.

Mrs.G replies

I’m sorry you’re so sad. Losing a loved one is so devastating and heartbreaking that you can feel you will never get over it, but keep trying and you will — in time.
It sounds like, no matter what you say, your friend always considered you her best friend and still does. The fact she wants to confide in you tells me this. She may not discuss the depth of your relationship because she doesn’t want to think about it now but I’m sure she has not forgotten.

This puts you in a difficult position so I understand what you are going through. You want to continue to be her best friend and that is what is causing the problem. I just don’t think you can be anymore. She has chosen a new path right now and it hurts you to hear about it so you need to slowly move away from this situation. You don’t need to bare your heart to her again but you could just say you have trouble listening to her talk about this other girl. Tell her you’re happy for her and leave it at that.

If you can come to the fact that she cannot be your best friend anymore, you will free up yourself to make new friends. I know it’s hard but, honestly, friends come and go in our lifetime. Not too often does a friendship last years and years, especially where there has been romantic involvement.

I know you will continue to cry for a while but try to look forward in a new direction. Keep the happy memories of your time with your friend but put them in the past. Set yourself free to seek new friendships and just have fun. Try to not be so serious and look for that perfect partner. Give everything some time, and you will feel better. I sure hope so, my dear, and wish you luck.

Letter #: 440306
Category: Dating/Relationship