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“It’s me or the drink, babe!”

I usually drink 10-13 vodka shots at a time. My boyfriend wants me to cut down. What should I do?

He is trying to help you, says our elder. If you’re serious about your boyfriend, you should do as he asks.

Dear EWC

I’m having relationship issues. I’m a bit of a heavy drinker and my boyfriend doesn’t drink at all and hates alcohol in general. He wants me to reduce my drinking or he said I can only drink a little more when I’m with him. But he doesn’t want me to drink to the point where I get too tipsy or drunk. There was an incident where I drank too much once and ended up throwing up and he had to take care of me. I’ve promised him I won’t drink that much but he wants me to drink really little. I’m in university and feel like this is my time to party and drink and have fun. I understand that he is worried about me and my safety. But I feel like if he has this problem, it shouldn’t stop me.

Am I being selfish? He has agreed to me drinking a little. To give you an idea, I normally do around 10-13 vodka shots, he wants me to cut down to three shots. I have a high tolerance so three shots is as good as not drinking at all. I feel like he’s trying to control me a little too much. But I don’t want this to become a big issue between us. I don’t want to lose him. I really love him and see myself marrying him someday. Honestly, if it came down to it, I would choose him over drinking and partying in a heartbeat but I don’t want to have to make that choice.

Ketchman replies

Thank you for contacting us. I’ll try to help.

You are truly fortunate to have someone who cares for you so much. Yes, it is his problem that he worries about your safety, but; if you’re to be a couple who respect and care for each other then his problems also need to be yours — and yours his. In this case we’re talking about the same issue. I’m not a medical expert, by any means, but I’m quite confident that regular consumption of 10 to 13 shots of vodka can do you irreparable physical harm and do a similar job on any long term relationship you’d like to have. Yes he is trying to control you a bit — in the same sense as pushing someone out of the way of an oncoming train.

Taking care of a sick drunk is truly an act of deep friendship or love. I can vouch for that, having been on both sides of that equation. Your boyfriend, after having to clean you up once, is not going to be happy about the thought of doing it a second or a third time — notwithstanding your promises. At some point he’s going to wonder if it’s really worth it and, when he asks his friends for advice, I think you know what they’re likely to suggest.

In my opinion this is one issue that you’ll need to give in on if you are serious about nurturing your relationship. It might not be easy to do and, if you find it impossible to cut down to three shots a night or less, it might be time to seek some help from AA or similar organizations. Does that seem far fetched? Give it a try. Go a few weeks without drinking or drinking very minimally. Hopefully you’ll do just fine and as a bonus you’ll have a very happy boyfriend.
I would like you to be able to have your entire life to drink (moderately), party, and have fun. It doesn’t, and shouldn’t, have to be compressed into four short university years. A little moderation now will make for a lot better parties a few years down the road when you’ll really appreciate them.

I hope that helps. We’re always here for you and, if you like you could always ask for me and we can continue this conversation or go on to anything else you’d like a bit of help with. Call on us anytime. I wish you and your boyfriend a long and happy life together.

Letter #: 459571
Category: Dating/Relationship

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