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An older boy and sexual banter

He’s 16, I’m 12, and now the police are involved. It sounds like he has the wrong intentions, says our elder. Stay away.

Dear EWC

Hi, I’m a 12-year-old girl and I’ve been talking to this 16-year-old guy I like. We go to the same school and we talk on text regularly. He likes me back. Over the summer, he asked me about sex and nudes. I said no, and he respected that. He sent me a picture of his abs as a joke, but I never sent him back. His mum doesn’t approve and my parents don’t either. Yet, we still talk. After school, we talk and we’ve talked about kissing. A lot of people in my year know about us and obviously people spread rumors. A girl that I had drama with told a teacher about me and this guy and now the police are getting involved. Should I keep on talking to him or cut him off completely?

Linda replies

First of all, I want to commend you for not complying with this boy’s request to send nude photos of yourself. This is not something you should ever do with anyone. These types of photos will become fair game for anyone he chooses to share them with. They can be sent all over the place and once that happens you’ve lost all control. These photographs could come back to bite you at any time in your life. It’s simply not wise, now or ever, to send compromising photographs of yourself.

At 12 years old you should not be discussing sex with an older boy. It is easy to feel flattered by his attention. However, from what you’re telling me, this boy seems to have the wrong intentions. Asking you to send him nudes and discussing sex is not appropriate. It wouldn’t appear he’s genuinely interested in you as a person. You need to love and value yourself far too much to allow someone to disrespect you in this manner.

Even if the police don’t become involved, I think it would be in your best interest to sever ties with this boy. You have all the time in the world to get involved with a boy around your own age. Let this particular older boy go because his motives for having contact with you aren’t honorable. Any boy who asks you for nude photos is lacking in character. You will find in life that it’s always best to surround yourself with quality people. If someone’s principal interest is engaging in sexual banter, it’s time to move on and put that person in your rearview mirror.

Letter #: 448905
Category: Dating/Relationship

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