This girlfriend’s got issues

There’s a new baby on the way but she wants nothing to do with his young son. Our elder says this conflicted dad is right to be concerned.

Dear EWC:

My girlfriend and I have been together for a little over 2 years. I have an 8-year-old son from a previous marriage. Her and him don’t get along very well. She always wants me to send him back to his mother early when I have him, wants me to punish him for every little thing.

We have a baby on the way due in February. I approached her about my concerns about her and my son a few times but gave her an ultimatum this time. Either she starts trying to have a healthy relationship with my son and my mother (whom she also isn’t a big fan of) or her and I could not have a relationship baby coming or not. I am not willing to toss aside my son for her and in my opinion I shouldn’t. I am a dad before anything else.

We’ve discussed therapy and she will not go for it. I don’t know if she is jealous of my son because he isn’t hers and he gets my attention. It has gotten bad enough that she has told me that she doesn’t want him around when she has him and would prefer that he have as little to do with the new baby as possible.

My son is a very sweet boy. He can be hyper at times and hard to deal with but he’s 8. He acts like an 8-year-old. I’m just at wits end with the whole thing. Am I right to do what I did in telling her that?

Good-Listener replies:

I’m so sorry for what you’re dealing with. I must say that I agree with you on pretty much all accounts. In my opinion your child comes first. You will, however, have to take responsibility for your new child once he/she is born, but your girlfriend has no right to try and separate you from your boy. That’s just unconscionable, and, perhaps it’s time to re-think your relationship with her…

According to you, she won’t go to therapy, so that tells me she has little interest in your feelings. You might consider going to therapy yourself, because making sure your 8 year-old is feeling loved by you is terribly important. It would be a shame for him to start questioning himself or your love because of the treatment from your girlfriend.
Please think of your son first and do what’s right for him. And, think about the person you’re with. I can’t tell you who to date or not, but just to be honest with yourself.
Good luck.


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