I was flirting with a YouTuber and then it all got awkward. How can I come out on top?

You can’t, says our elder. Unsubscribe, forget this channel, and move on.

 

Dear EWC 

I really started to like a new YouTuber and started donating to his channel. I was his first donation ever and he decided to make me a moderator for his live chats. We would flirt in the chats until he had his father in a few videos and I said his father was handsome. Big mistake. His brother then asked if I wanted to be their new mom. I am only six years older than him at 38; it was kind of funny at first but now it has become a thing where they call me Mom every time they see me. I got upset and said, “I’m not that much older than you guys – that’s weird.” Then someone in the chat said I could be their mom because they are 24 years old. I responded, “No, not likely I would have had to have been 14 when I had you.” To be honest, I thought this guy liked me but now I feel as though I am being made some sort of joke. It’s bizarre to me because he has really been sending me mixed messages. I’m certain he knows I like him so at this point all I can do is save face and leave his channel. It’s super embarrassing. Any advice on how to come out back on top? This really hurt my feelings.

 

William replies

Thanks for writing to the Elder Wisdom Circle for advice. As I’m sure you know, the internet is full of people who represent a cross-section of society. Using a tired, old expression, it consists of ‘the good, the bad and the ugly.’  As I also tell many of our advice seekers, anyone can put anything on the internet. All of this leads up to my point that you never know who you are dealing with. YouTubers or anyone on social media, bloggers, and editorialists present to the person reading, listening, or watching what they want them to see. You are following a person, or group of people, who are, in my view, playing games with you. You are also giving them money. Why are you doing that with strangers? Sure, it’s fun to flirt, and I’m sure you found the channel interesting. It’s also flattering to be made a moderator. However, now they are making fun of you, and it’s not what you thought it was going to be, is it?

Based on what you have written, I think you suspect or fully know this to be the case. Your last paragraph contains the query, “Any advice on how to come out back on top?”  The simple answer is you can’t. In life, we have to know when to choose our battles. You can’t ‘win’ an internet argument. They degrade to what we used to call on the now obsolete Usenet ‘flame wars’.  Again, reaching back to the late 1990s and early 2000s, these people are what we used to call trolls. The technique we found the most effective way to ignore them. Our saying back then was, “Don’t feed the trolls.”  It worked.

My advice is for you to forget this channel. Unsubscribe and certainly stop donating any money to them. Then, walk away with your head held high, knowing that they were yanking your chain for entertainment. You indicated you didn’t like being called their mother, and they continued to do so. You said as much in your letter when you noted that all you can do is leave the channel. I agree. Leave and block them from whatever other types of social media you use to communicate with them. It’s time to move on.

Article #: 479529

Category: Dating/Relationship