My flirty friend is back…

But does he mean it when he says he loves me? Our elder sees some red flags.


Dear EWC

I’ve been friends with this guy for years. We were even friends with benefits at one point. He calls me “best” for best friend. I fell in love with him. I told him, but he wasn’t ready to settle because he wanted to fish around with other girls. It broke my heart. To fast forward… I got pregnant trying to get over him. I broke up with my baby’s father while I was pregnant because he’s psycho. 

Then, my friend popped back up in my life and he started to call and check up on me and the baby a lot. Now, we talk at least a few times every week, flirt with each other, laugh together, talk about each other’s lives, and we say “I love you” to each other sometimes. Tonight, we were on the phone and he said he wants to have a baby within the next year. I asked him, “With who?” and he said he was going to call me back or FaceTime me in two minutes, but he never did. Do you think he was talking about me or is he trying to tell me that he is seriously dating someone else? Do you think he likes me or is he playing me or does he just want to be friends?


Salvador replies

You need to get clear answers from him before you take a next step with him if that is what you and he want.

Two things that forebode bad things, in my opinion, are that 1) he wants to keep fishing around and 2) the way he made the baby comment and left without saying anything added with silence so far. He may like you, but knowing how you feel about him and giving you this comment, does reflect love for you. Yes, he may love you to some degree. But that love could be as friends only.

Also, when he made the comment that he wants to have a baby, he did not mention anything of a stable relationship from what I can see. When you plan to have a baby, you want to provide a home. Before you get a home for that baby, you form a family with the parent of that child. In order to do so, both must love each other. Fishing for other girls is not a good sign. So, it is possible that he could be playing mind games with you by making that comment knowing how you feel about him. He should first tell you that he loves you as a mate, ask you for a serious relationship, and ask for a commitment. Once all that happens, then both of you are ready to expand the family with a child.

I am not saying he is a bad guy. He is friendly and cares for your child. However, that is different from doing so in a committed relationship that requires responsibilities as a couple. Do you think he reflects that?

Lastly, I wonder how come he is silent now? Is he thinking about how to answer your question? So, my replies to your questions at the end of your message are: First, I do not know what he is thinking. Second, I do not know why he is doing that. So, contact him and ask him directly. His answer and his reaction when you ask will be the best way to get your answers. Only he knows what he is thinking and what he wants. If he is evasive, go on with your life. What I mean to go on with your life is that you do not keep this “grayish” relationship that is neither committed or friends only. If you remain friends, be friends only. Don’t start getting into a with-benefits situation anymore. Often, this type of relationship is not devoid of feelings developing. Avoid this risk. Either be friends or mates, not in-between.

I hope this reply helped you and that it works out for you. Remember, communication is critical in any type of relationship. Doing so helps you have a clear picture of such a relationship.

Article #: 466638

Category: Dating/Relationship

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