Long-distance love or the FBI?

My boyfriend lives across the pond – which makes my dream career in the CIA or FBI a little tricky. 

Our elder helps this letter writer assess her options.


Dear EWC

Currently I am in a long-distance relationship. I live in the USA and he lives in the UK. I’m 100 percent sure he is the one, we have talked about having a family, marriage, etc. The problem is, I don’t know how to close the distance. I’m going to college in the USA and want to work in the FBI or CIA as a forensic psychologist. I believe I have to live in the USA for that. He can’t afford to move here or transfer university to here, so I’m unsure of what to do and how. I’m willing to not be in the CIA or FBI, but I want to work with actual insane terrorists, serial killers, etc. Is there any way I could do that in the UK? I also want the chance to travel internationally within my job on occasion as well – which I am aware that I can do in the CIA or FBI. What should I do? Breaking up with him isn’t an option.


Ketchman replies

There are a number of factors that you’ll need to consider. Getting a career position with the FBI or CIA as a forensic psychologist is very likely going to require, at the very least, a master’s degree and more than likely a doctorate. If you’re not nearly there yet you’ll need to count on some more years of education and, quite possibly, getting some experience with other law enforcement agencies. That’s something I suggest you verify with the CIA and FBI. It would be very useful to do that now so that you can plan your education to meet the needs of the organization you’d like to work with. I imagine that if you select the subject of your doctoral or master’s thesis to be one that those agencies are interested in, it would give you a distinct advantage in their selection process.

If your BF is unable to move to the US then, it seems to me, the only remaining options are to keep the long-term nature of your relationship going until such time as he can afford to make the move, or you can afford to bring him here and support him until he becomes self-sufficient; or you relocate to the UK and continue your education there. That last option might make it a bit easier to find employment with the UK equivalents of the FBI and CIA. Again, that’s something that you should be checking on with those agencies before making any sort of commitment. Whichever nation whose agencies you apply to might require citizenship and will require extensive security background checks of both you and your BF or husband.

Have you ever been physically in contact with your BF or has all of your relationship been online? If the latter, I urge you to spend some time with him in the UK or in the US. No matter how long you’ve been in virtual contact I’m convinced that you need to experience time in physical proximity before you’ll gain an understanding sufficient to make the kind of commitment you’ve been considering. Whatever it costs to make that happen will be worth it. Marriage and family are lifetime commitments and probably the most important decision you’ll ever make. You need to be as sure as you can possibly be.

I hope I’ve been able to offer some useful perspectives that will help you make some very significant decisions. Please feel free to contact us again. We’ll be happy to either continue this conversation or go on to anything else you might need another opinion on or a bit of assistance with. If you like, you could always ask for me. Thank you for giving me a chance to help. 

Article #: 428779

Category: Dating/Relationship

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