My ex and I are both hurting but I need time apart before we can be friends. Thing is, I still can’t get over her. 

There’s no simple solution, says our elder. The only cure is time.

 

Dear EWC

I recently broke up with my long-distance girlfriend. We broke up because of family issues. Upon seeing how her family reacted to her sister’s relationship, she decided to break it off due to our difference in backgrounds. I knew it was coming sooner or later and I always thought that I’d be able to accept it but I’m not even close to coming to terms with it. I break down thinking about her and I’ve turned to whoever I have to talk to but it’s always just a temporary fix. My dad told me that we need to take time apart because despite ending on good terms, we’re both hurting, therefore I decided to suggest to her that we should take time apart before we can be friends again. My problem is, despite it being what I thought was best, I can’t handle it. Every time I do something that ‘makes me happy’ it’s always a temporary fix. Any downtime I have immediately leads my thoughts to her. I always think about how no matter how down I was she’d light me up in an instant and it hurts knowing my parents are concerned for me and it hurts not being able to trust anyone the same as I trusted her with my feelings. She didn’t let me know how she felt and it sometimes hurt thinking that maybe she’s doing a lot better than me. I wish it didn’t have to be this way, but I know this is how I have to accept it. But I have no clue where and how to start moving on.

 

M-Sharon replies

There is no right or simple solution to your heartache. It makes it tougher because, since it was a long-distance relationship, you can’t break up in person. I think you do need time apart before trying to resume things on a friendship basis. That is very hard to do.

The only cure is time. The best way to handle it is to expand your social circle. Expand your interests: consider sports, the gym, hobbies, music, the arts, community service or other volunteer work. The goal is to be productively busy, which will help your sense of well-being. 

Rely on friends and family, but reach out to new friends and experiences.

This will require some determination on your part. You will have to get on with your life. After all, you only get to do this once, so make the most of it. Again, there is no knowing how much time it will take for your heart to heal. I’m sure you will always remember her.

Article #: 488456

Category: Dating/Relationship