Loneliness is my plus one

How can I feel content being single? 

That’s a universal question, says our elder. Fill your life with new experiences, places and people and you’ll be amazed at what can happen.


Dear EWC


What can you do when loneliness seems to be your constant companion? I’ve been independent most of my life and feel like I’m the one who takes care of everyone else. I have great friends but at 30, I’d love to find someone to share life with. Either that or figure out how to just be happy being single. I realize there are many pros to being single and I do value my time right now, it’s just when relationship after relationship doesn’t work out, it’s hard for me not to get down about it. I feel bad complaining because I know people have it much worse but was hoping you’d have any advice on how to combat loneliness and/or feeling content being single. Thanks so much!


Good-Listener replies


You ask a question that is pretty universal. Even back in the day, I had plenty of friends who were around 30 and still looking for someone to spend the rest of their life with. Many of them found the person, some did not. There are as many reasons for finding as not finding as there are individuals. Sometimes it’s simply a numbers game. I know everyone is dating and swiping online. Even in my youth there was a little online dating. And, it absolutely can work. However, I will always maintain that the best way to meet quality guys is to go to where they are. What I mean by that is by pursuing interests, whether they be academic, creative, physical (sports)… whatever is you. When you’re enthusiastic about something your best face shows and you’ll attract the best to you. It took me until my 40s to learn that! So, you’re way ahead of me. 


The good news is that you are independent and can take care of yourself. That will go a lot further than you think – meaning that if something didn’t work out later in life (or God forbid, a premature death to a partner) you could handle what comes. It’s all difficult, until that person walks into your life, or you walk into theirs and the past can fall away. One of my best friends married at 40 and they’re about to celebrate their 30th wedding anniversary. Another married at 24 and finally threw the bum out after years of him cheating and other deceptions. It’s different for everyone. Combat the loneliness by filling it up with people, places and things. Maybe find some great volunteer work doing something you want, not what someone tells you that you “should” want. Be proud of what you do and what you bring to the table. And, by the way, don’t ever feel bad about “complaining” to Elder Wisdom Circle. If something is important to you, it’s important to us and that’s what we’re here for. 


Try to find some healthy distractions, take up something new or volunteer. You may be amazed at who you meet and what can come next. Good luck!


Article #: 482032

Category: Dating/Relationship

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