My boyfriend is always “busy”

He has no time for me and I feel like I’m a burden.

You’re not the burden, says our elder – he is. Ask yourself if this relationship is really serving your best interests.


Dear EWC

Okay so, this is a roller coaster. So, me and my boyfriend have been distant lately because he’s busy with work, school, and other life things. I often feel lonely and distant from him because of it and I ask myself if I should bring it up or not. I don’t want to because I know he’s busy with other things so sometimes I just keep it to myself. But sometimes it gets so strong that I tell him. I talked to him last night about it and it got weird. He said, “You know I have all of this other stuff going on” (something like that) and I get it, I do. So, I felt bad like I was bothering him and like I’m just causing a problem he doesn’t need. So, I got sad of course. We said our good nights and I told him he doesn’t have to take a day off of work for me anymore so he doesn’t think I’m taking away his time from something else. He took it as if I was trying to make him feel bad and pity me, but that wasn’t the case at all. I really don’t want to leave him because I know it’s just a rough patch, but I also don’t want to be a burden in his life.


Excelsior replies

It sounds more to me that *he’s* being a burden in *your* life!  Love is the coming together of equals to make both happy and bring them to their best selves. The happiness of the other must be as important as one’s own – no more, no less,   

From what you’ve written, your boyfriend isn’t giving you the time and attention he needs to make *any* relationship a solid one; he’s simply too occupied with other things. It’s concerning that he doesn’t include you under your category of “other life things”. Is this overbusyness of a situation that will end very soon – like school – or is this is going to be his lifestyle for the next few years? If so, you may be setting yourself up for a lot of heartache by staying with him. 

Love should make us feel wonderful and cherished – not like a pain in the neck to our partner. Keep in mind that your well-being and happiness are your number one priority in life, and our job is to move away from situations that affect us negatively, and toward those that produce the opposite effect. Our unmarried years are a time to discover who’s best for us by mingling regularly with the opposite sex, and becoming close to some. That process can be sidetracked by committing to someone unless you’re both madly in love and happy with all aspects of a relationship; I suggest you sit down and ask yourself if this is a relationship that’s serving your best interests, and moving you forward in life. Consider that we can’t change others or expect them to change for us, and that what you see in someone is what you get. It could be that your boyfriend will continue his “all work and no fun” ways in the future, if it turns out that’s just the way he is. 

Once you’ve had a chance to think these things over, and to evaluate your relationship from every angle, you’ll be in a better place to know what is right for you. Good luck, and I wish you every happiness. 

Article #: 429573

Category: Dating/Relationship

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