What started out as a colorful convo has our elder wondering if it’s an obsession.
Read on for a future take on this BF/GF dynamic.
Dear EWC:
My girlfriend told me that when she was younger she spanked her brother and some boys she was babysitting on the bare butt. I blushed big time. I am sure she saw me blush. I acted totally surprised.
She then asked, “Did your mom ever spank you?” My mother spanked me as a child but never on the bare bottom and never in front of anyone. So I never admitted that to my girlfriend when she asked. She said that I was overdue for a spanking. I told her I was quite OK. But it got me thinking because my mother is good friends with my girlfriend’s mom and says that my girlfriend should be much stricter with me.
Do you think the three of them (my mom, my girlfriend’s mom, and my girlfriend) have already discussed it?
Purple-Finch replies:
Oh my. In a word, no, I don’t think they have discussed it. But you say you blushed and you did not say why. Was it because you were rather horrified? I was horrified when I read your letter, but only mildly. And the mildness was only because I too was spanked as a child. Not on a bare butt, but my brother did spank me once as part of an old ritual known as “birthday spanking,” which was common back in the 1950’s. Thank goodness it has fallen out of favor.
Now when my brother spanked me, it was on a bare butt and he left bruises. So clearly this was abusive behavior on his part. He was eight years older than I was, so there wasn’t much I could do about getting away from him.
I am not sure how old you are, but have you given any thought to how you will behave with your own children? I hope you will give that some thought. It can be easy (as a parent) to just grab a child and inflict whatever punishment you endured. And so the abusive (in my opinion) behavior continues. But if you think in advance about how you want to parent your children, then you can have much more control over how you behave.
So, no, I don’t think anyone had any previous discussions about this, but I DO think your girlfriend may be a bit obsessed with spanking. What she said about your being due for one sounds to me like a nasty threat. Even if she says she was “just kidding,” I still think it sounds like a nasty threat. If you want no part of it, just tell her.
Figure out what you do want and let her know—whether we are talking about sexual behavior between you two or how you might raise any children together. If she thinks children ought to be hit, give that a lot of thought. If she thinks they should not, listen to that also. But if you want children when you are older, you will have to think about how your child-raising techniques and your partner’s match (or do not match). If your girlfriend’s patterns are not your style, I would suggest you look elsewhere.
Letter #: 435127
Category: Dating/Relationship